Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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