So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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