That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
