Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
