you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
