Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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