If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
