Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
