her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
