i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
