Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
