Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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