Banned from zoo.
Again?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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