Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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