it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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