I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
