I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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