Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
