just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
