I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
