I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You don't make any sense
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