I'm so fucking centered right now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
