Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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