So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
