Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
