You just made me feel so damn special
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
