and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
