So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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