I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
