Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
