forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
