if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
