he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
