I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
