I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
