Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my phone needs a breathalizer
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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