she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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