She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
