bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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