We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
