Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
