I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
