I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
