I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
