can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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