While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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