I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
