Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
