Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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