Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
