Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
